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If start crying I'll never stop ...

that was my feeling earlier today sitting in the office of my brother's oncologist.  My brother has been diagnosed with Birkitts Lymphoma.  It's a rare form of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma (NHL).  It's an aggressive form of cancer but like many Lymphoma's it is treatable.  They took a sample of his bone marrow last week and the results, thank God, were negative.  It has not spread to his marrow.  He will begin a treatment of Rituxin (I'm sure I'm spelling it incorrectly) which I believe is part of an aggressive protocol called EPOCH.  The chemo will be nasty I'm sure, so I'm trying to research as much as possible b/c I don't think my brother will be in any condition to question anything once this drama truly begins.  He believes if all goes well my bro could be back to work in 8 to 9 months. All I can do is stay optimistic for my brother and be there for him with support, information and my own personal style of advocacy on his behalf.  This is going to be horrible I'm sure but I hope he will emerge on the other side with a decent quality of life and independence.

My Obsession

I go through "obsessions" often.  I find them to be the passions that truly make life (well at least mine) worth living. Some obsessions stay with me, like soccer.  In fact, it's no longer just an obsession, which can be thought of as whimsy and fickleness; nope, soccer is in my blood now.  Soccer is a big part of my life and I don't think I will ever stop loving and/or thinking about it ... ever!  But some of my  "obsessions" are truly passing indeed.  My life as a soap fan seems so far away it's truly seems like a lifetime ago that I was obsessed with all things GH, Sonny & Carly, Carly & Lorenzo and finally just Carly.  I've been out of that particular fandom for about 3 years because like all fandoms where passions run very high and people put themselves into opposing camps, it got particularly nasty.  So I removed myself from the boards, the email list and the fanfic. I went cold turkey with particularly ugly habit. 

But here I sit, with another new "obsession" which came about after watching the new Star Trek movie.  Let me preface this by saying I have been a Trekkie since about 1994 when I discovered ST:TNG ... Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I was a nerd but not a real sci fi nerd until then.  I loved the world TNG represented, I loved the crew, I loved most of the storylines .... I just fell head first for the universe it presented where everyone was truly equal, humans had somehow gotten over the crap that currently divides us, and as a species we presented a united front.  It was truly tempting to lose myself in this world and that's what I did.  I read the books, I went to conventions, I corresponded (this was in the day before email lists, and internet communities were common place) with other fans and joined Trek fan clubs aka ships.  It was awesome.  But as TNG's flame died down and the movies were more and more disappointing my love for it diminished as well. 

That is until May 9, 2009.  The new Star Trek movie reignited my love for the franchise.  I was never a real fan of the orginal series.  It was old and outdated, though I was very respectful of it because without it I wouldn't have Next Gen or the truly awesome friends I've made as Trekkie.  But it didn't inspire passion in me the way TNG did.  So I was not overly enthusiastic about the new movie but knew I'd see it just because it was a Trek movie.  Not even the casting of Zachary Quinto, who I knew and liked a lot from TV shows like So NoTorious and Heroes, got me overly excited for the film.  So lucky for me I went in to the film completely spoiler free and that was a major blessing because I was utterly blown away by the film.  It was funny, touching, romantic, and exciting ... you really can't ask for more than that.  The biggest surprise for me was the relationship between Spock and Uhura.  Yea, didn't see that one coming at all!!!  So unexpected, but so fitting and so refreshing.  Spock, at least in my mind, had been portrayed as more of an asexual being (save for Amok Time of course) and to see that JJ Abrams et al decided to take the unspoken (in the films at least) sexuality of Spock and bring it to the forefront was brilliant.  So I've been obsessed with this couple ever since the movie.  Obsessed to the point where I have jumped back into .... albeit very cautiously ...  fandom again.  And that brings me to LJ.

I only joined LJ so that I could keep tabs on the Spock/Uhura shippers site and some ZQ sites as well.  But the Spock/Uhura fanfic is so incredibly awesome I am obsessed again.  So in order to keep my favorite fics in order I decided to try to catlogue the ones I've read and add some mini reviews to them so I know who wrote what and what I really liked about a particular story.  This catalogue truly is really meant as a mental exercise for myself because the senior moments are more frequent I'm sorry to say, so I figured since I'm not really a writer, I would use my LJ page for this specific purpose, until something else pops into my already muddled brain.



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July 2010


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